How are you? Have you had a good week? Are you enjoying your weekend now?

It has been 3 weeks since I came back Beijing on Sept 14 and it has been 2 weeks since the new class year was started at Chinese National Academy of Arts Sept 23 ( for all tutors attended an International Art Exhibition in Chengdu, the school was opened later than usual). Since the Chinese National Vacation is Sept 30 to Oct 7, 2014, we had business time only for 1 week.

Anyway, in the short 1 week, we had done so many things:

Sept 23: School Opening Ceremony and Orientation.

Sept 24: Chinese Painting History by Professor Xu Jun (he is on the 2nd, 4th and 5th photos) - Associate Dean of Graduate School at CNAA.

Sept 25: How to Paint After the Ancient Works by Professor Han Xuezhong (he is on the 7th photo) - Head of Teaching Department of Chinese Painting School at CNAA.

Sept 26: Introductions of the Art Works at the Art Exhibition of CNAA by Mr. Wu Tong (he is on the 3rd photo, the second one from left) - Associate Head of Teaching Department of Chinese Painting School at CNAA.

Sept 28: Saw the 12nd National Art Exhibition in Tianjin.

Sept 29: Chinese Painting's Sketching & Creating by Professor Man Weiqi(he is on the 1st, 3rd and 6th photos) - Deputy Dean of Chinese Painting School at CNAA.

Then, in Oct, we will be given courses by 6 famous art professors, such as Professor Tian Liming - Vice President of Chinese National Academy of Arts and Dean of Chinese Painting School at CNAA and a tutor of doctoral students. Professor Liu Wanming -- Associate Dean of Chinese Painting School at CNAA and so on.

Then in November, to have a lesson of painting from the nature in Taihang Mountains in Henan Province or in Wuyi Mountains in Fujian Province in Nov, 2014...

In whole of the 1 class-year, more than 20 professors and famous artists will give us courses...

I have been working hard on painting and English as usual, but my heart is not very stable for I often want to go back home for some reasons :

-- My health is poor. I am lucky enough for I have recovered the ability to walk normally, however, every morning, I am awaken by the ache in my bones, especially in my knees so that I cannot sit for a long time and it is difficult for me to stand up and sit down.

-- I can certainly improve my painting level and maybe have a big breakthrough as my tutor predicted but I have no time to do the other things that I really want to do, such as writing books, making music, developing web site and pushing my project forward; while I have no much time to improve my English.

-- I wished to find help for my project in Beijing, right now, I have gotten two responses relate to my project, but the road sounds like quite long to get an actual support.

-- I came back school for I wished to learn Chinese landscape painting for 1 year ( since I
minored in it for 4 years), to lay a stronger and wider foundation, then to focus on one part of Chinese Paintings, but now, I am major in Chinese flower and bird painting still.

Every time, when I see my classmates work on the sky, mountains, river and trees, my feeling is quite complex. One hand, I appreciate the school and my tutors for they have led me into the gate of Chinese painting and they wanted me to study something better and to dig a deep " well " instead of dig many light " pits "; the other hand, I do admire my classmates and feel pity in my heart for I really feel that my hands and heart want to do it as well.

So, these days, I have been in the seriously wavering in determination when I realized most of the course I attended once more are essentially the same though differing on minor points and when I felt the sharp ache in my bones, when I was in the emotion to create a piece of music, write an article or make a phone call to my family members, I felt pity for I had no way to do them ( with 24 boxes, I had delivered all my things included my music instrument back home in July, 2014, so that now I have re-bought many tools for my study and life) and there is no any cell phone signor in the teaching building, so that my son called me 6 times from Australia and I called him 4 times from China, we could see respective names on the sell phone, but we could not speak one word. With the same situation, I could only speak with my father for 3 words on the Elder People's Day. At that moment, I did want to leave for home at once.

-- My immediate future travel schedule in Springfield, MO, USA in Feb, 2015 and all of the things have been arranged already, included the events on Feb 20 (Chinese New Year's Day) and Feb 26 already. However, they were base on the plan to study for a degree of Master of Fine Arts at Missouri State University since fall, 2014 for I thought childishly that I would be there certainly since so many people had recommended me. Then, now, I am in Beijing and I have been in America and Australia twice in 2014, my book, DVD and new web site have not been completed yet.

If I keep staying in Beijing, time is really too tight for me perform the travel plan.

Therefore, even though I felt so sorry to my sponsor, 5 days ago, I wrote to the Park Central Branch Library, I would like to discuss with them whether it would be possible for us to postpone my art exhibition and events in Feb, 2015 to August or September, 2015, let me complete this class year in Beijing continuously? Anyway, I know it is not easy for them to change the schedule since they had done all of the things already. So, I am waiting for their responding and then to decide what I should do in China.

This way and these days, when I involved myself in the painting, I could keep in a peaceful heart for I could forget all of the worrying things temporarily. However, as soon as I came back the reality, I was in worrying so that I quite miss my home in Shenzhen, my family members in Wuxi, China and in Sydney, Australia, and also my friends and students in Springfield, Seymour, Ava, Missouri State and in Peckville, Lexington, Kentucky State, USA. Since I realized the so big distance between my dream and the reality once more, I have been feeling some dull ache in my stomach.

Therefore, I have started this letter to you several times and I can not complete it until now. I am really hesitating about where I should study, work and live in the new 1 class year, I mean Sept, 2014 to July, 2015?

If you were me , what would you do and choose?

-- Should I continue to study in Beijing, while to wait for the indefinite response about my project until July, 2015?

-- Should I go back home to treat my sicknesses while to work on what I want to do by myself, while to perform my original travel plan?

The good news was: at the time I am near to finish this letter, Professor Liu Yu, the doctor in charge on my immune system (relates to my bones) 2010 to 2013 and a Dean at Beijing University Shenzhen Hospital told me, if I decide to go back Shenzhen and be hospitalized, she would like to help me to make a sickroom appointment.

How about you? Have you had any similar difficult choice as I do? Do you have anything special to share?

Photo Notes: On the last photo, on the left, is Professor Pan Ying.
Sincerely,


Shirley Yiping Zhang
Oct 05, 2014 (Beijing Time)