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Shirley's Essays : Lives - 002: Writing For My Elder Brother--002: My First Dream

Do you know what is the first dream of mine ?

I wanted to be a doctor, because, since I could remember thing, I knew my elder brother could not go with his own legs, and my mother often wept for him...

Very often, I could hear the terrible crying from my elder brother, for his bone broke be a hit lightly...

For treating the legs of my brothers, my mother went to Beijing, Shanghai and many big hospitals, also invited so many traditional medicine doctors to come my home to treat him... anyway, there is no any result... It is said until now, there is no a way to treat in the world.

Every time, when I heard the pain crying, I said to myself, I must go to the medicine university to be a doctor when I grow up...

Every time when I saw the tears on the face of my mother, I told myself to be a doctor...

So, when I was a child, I started to learn something about Chinese traditional medicine... I learned acupuncture and injection on my boy so that some times my legs changed blue and black by the too many punctures, I thought I could find a way to treat my elder brother...

I remember, one of the title of the compositions in my middle school is "My Dream", I wrote that I wanted to be a doctor, and my teacher gave me 100 mark.

I did not believe the judgment of the doctors and I hoped I could treat my elder brother to be ok when I finish learning medicine...

My elder brother was so smart. He could make the plane model and made it to fly in the sky. He could repair the clock and many the other things... He could win every one on the Chinese chess...He is the one I most admired...

He was elder so much than me, but he needed to be protected by me... I never allow anyone to insult him and I had fought a very big boy for he insulted my elder brother. That was the only once for me to fight with the other in my whole of the life and my knees were blooding... that year, I was about 11 years old.

Now he has gone to the other world and I can not be a doctor, also I did not see him when he went, it is said that is only 10 minutes. My parents looked at him for 48 houses, during he was in a narcosis, a best doctor was invited from the other hospital... he had no any pain when he was gone. He went by my parents...

He went with the love from my parents. He was the loved most by my parents... He was a happiest in his mental world...

--Shirley
Written on the night that my elder brother was gone on November 15., 2002
Edited on 28th.,June,2005